Why are ostriches so cool?

For a long time these zany looking, quasi-birds were considered as pretty uncool. Scientists used to consider them as a bit of a laugh and they had a reputation for being dim because they buried their heads in the sand when danger approached. Well that story turned out to be a lie, probably perpetuated by people who felt insecure themselves. Scientists now know better and today the ostrich earns max points for street cred with the scientific community. Here’s why...

1. SPEED — Ostriches can rightfully claim to be the fastest thing on two legs. A typical ostrich could enter the Olympics and win every running event from the 100 metres to the marathon. And that’s without the help of training or performance enhancing drugs. It’s not just that they have a top speed of 45 mph. What’s important is that they can cruise at this speed for over half an hour.
2. POWER — A single kick can kill a lion or a leopard. Watch out you pussies!
3. ANCESTORY — The dudes certainly got some previous. Their history goes back to somewhere between 70 and 120 million years. At that time there were no national parks or wildlife protection schemes and the world was inhabited by vicious flesh eating killers like tyrannosaurus rex. But Ostrich survived where thousands failed. You might want to remember that before you start taking the piss.
4. FRIENDLINESS — Despite a remarkable past and a long list of record breaking attributes Ostrich remains a remarkably modest and friendly creature who is as likely to take as much interest in you as you are in it.
5. ORIGINALITY — Well for starters they’re supposed to be birds but they can’t fly. That’s a pretty cool statement in itself but there’s more. In fact they’re so original that scientists can’t even decide if ostriches are proper birds at all. All other birds have a bony plate protruding from their sternum which is used for the muscles for flight. But ostriches have a ratite sternum that can’t be used for flying. This is the same sternum used by dinosaurs. Ditto ostrich skulls which are made up of of several boney plates like that of a dinosaur not a bird. Tracks of two-toed theropod dinosaurs are similar to ostrich tracks and modern day ratites were used to model the movements of some dinosaurs in the film Jurassic Park.
6. INTELLIGENCE — With a small head that’s mostly made up of beak and eyes people generally think of ostriches as not particularly bright. But wait a minute, just consider the facts. They survived a period when almost all other life died out and yet are still going strong. They've been on the earth some 35 times longer than we have yet have never started a war or unnecessarily destroyed their natural environment. Until we can make the same claims maybe we should hold our tongues when judging others. There’s more to intelligence than being able to read books and do maths.
7. SIZE — They say size don’t matter but just for the record... Ostriches are the largest living birds by both height and weight. They can reach 9 feet tall and weigh up to 345 lbs (156 kgs).